Bill Dogterom
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Thanksgiving Seeds
What gets noticed, gets repeated. Children will pay the price of discipline - even punishment - if the alternative is to be ignored - not noticed. Teens say things they don't mean just to get a reaction. You can observe adult children acting out in the same ways - rather than be marginalized, they behave badly, but noticeably.
If that is true of the negative, it is true of the positive. What gets affirmed, praised, celebrated, gets repeated. Given human nature, which is likely to get repeated first and most often - that which is noticed and punished, or that which is noticed and celebrated?
An oft quoted text from Proverbs suggests, "Raise up a child in a manner appropriate to his nature and character and when he is old, he will not depart from it." The language is that of the plant nursery and has to do with training vines into healthy fruitfulness. The trick in this kind of work is to become enough aware of the individual plant to know it's character - it's natural bent. If you train a vine in a manner contrary to its natural growth patterns, it will, over time, break free of the training. But if you shape and bend and train the vine in keeping with it's nature, it will assume and maintain the new shape - as a matter of nature.
Affirmation is one concrete way of positively noticing someone's actions. It pays attention and celebrates behavior worth celebrating. And increases the likeliehood of repeat business! Thanksgiving is one of the ways to affirm. If I am thanked for something I have done, I am likely to want to do it again. Thanksgiving expresses positive noticing.
In this way, thanksgiving plants seeds. Over time, those thanksgiving seeds will germinate and sprout. Then notice the small seedlings of positive virtues. Notice - and say thank you. Then watch the seedling respond to the warmth of affirming appreciation.
The future harvest is planted today. The trick is to sow the seed, water it - then let it grow. The harvest is worth the wait.
If that is true of the negative, it is true of the positive. What gets affirmed, praised, celebrated, gets repeated. Given human nature, which is likely to get repeated first and most often - that which is noticed and punished, or that which is noticed and celebrated?
An oft quoted text from Proverbs suggests, "Raise up a child in a manner appropriate to his nature and character and when he is old, he will not depart from it." The language is that of the plant nursery and has to do with training vines into healthy fruitfulness. The trick in this kind of work is to become enough aware of the individual plant to know it's character - it's natural bent. If you train a vine in a manner contrary to its natural growth patterns, it will, over time, break free of the training. But if you shape and bend and train the vine in keeping with it's nature, it will assume and maintain the new shape - as a matter of nature.
Affirmation is one concrete way of positively noticing someone's actions. It pays attention and celebrates behavior worth celebrating. And increases the likeliehood of repeat business! Thanksgiving is one of the ways to affirm. If I am thanked for something I have done, I am likely to want to do it again. Thanksgiving expresses positive noticing.
In this way, thanksgiving plants seeds. Over time, those thanksgiving seeds will germinate and sprout. Then notice the small seedlings of positive virtues. Notice - and say thank you. Then watch the seedling respond to the warmth of affirming appreciation.
The future harvest is planted today. The trick is to sow the seed, water it - then let it grow. The harvest is worth the wait.
Archives
June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 March 2006
